We Live In Brooklyn Baby

When I arrived here a few days ago, I was willing to sell my soul to find a suitable apartment here in the city. From what I've heard, the housing hunt 'round these parts is typically akin to having unpleasant dental procedures. If you choose to go it alone on your search, you must devote long hours of travelling to your desired neighborhoods and viewing a series of spaces that will never have everything you really want in your new home. It is a rabid market as well, so you must be prepared to write a check on the spot if you do find something that meets half your needs. Chances are, it will be gone within days, days that you thought you would check out a dozen other apartments and then have the luxury of choosing one that is just right. This is not an option. You must prioritize your needs, know what you are willing to sacrifice, and write someone a check as soon as you find a spot that fits the criteria. Given, there are new places on the market everyday, but the common man in this city has very little time to waste waiting for the perfect spot. If you choose to hire a broker, the process will certainly be streamlined but you will pay through the nose for this service.

Al and I chose to go it alone as a broker's fee was not really in the budget. We decided to seek a summer sublet, preferably furnished, so our search was a bit easier as we were only making a short term commitment and were willing to sacrifice more of our criteria than most on a long-term apartment hunt. For the two days before Al's arrival, I sent dozens of emails to people who were going to be out of town for the summer or just wanted out of their lease. I got a response from about a third of my emails and only spoke to a handful of people over the phone. Al was only in town Tuesday and Wednesday so the pressure was on to find a place that we agreed upon in a very timely manner. I saw one apartment on Monday afternoon that I had no interest in living in and had made appointments to see three places on Tuesday with Al and had a couple potential viewings on Wednesday.

I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for the length of this post and assure you all that I shall never post another so lengthy or girthy. A lot of exciting things have happened in the past couple days but I have been far too exhausted and busy to update. I've finally had a restful day in the city and am currently sitting at the office in my boxers with nothing to do but write. Please feel free to take a break at anytime. No need to strain yourself trying to squeeze all this happy-goodness into one sitting. Should this turn out much longer, which I have a good feeling it will, I suggest printing it and reading on the pot or lying on the couch or anywhere more comfortable than your desk. If you are one of the fortunate folks who posses a laptop, you may skip the printing and carry your computer directly to the john.

Al arrived late Monday evening and we went out for a few adult beverages with some friends of hers. She would like me to mention that we saw Alex Rodriguez there and she met him. I wasn't to excited to say the least. All I wanted to say was "Hey A-Rod, Kevin Youkilis outscored you on my fantasy team last week, but I had him riding the bench. Show me something this week against the Sox or he's taking your place." A-rod made a grand exit and we made our way south to a bar called the Banshee to meet one of my many friends named Jeff. We'll call him "D.C. Jeff." He was in town visiting his brother who is getting treated for cancer nearby. Don't worry, his brother is doing great and everything looks promising. The poor choice was made by us all to close down the bar and turn in at about four in the morning. Al and I dragged ourselves off the couch we shared sometime shortly before noon and our apartment search was on. Our first appointment was at one o'clock in Brooklyn. We almost made yet another poor choice in less than twelve hours and committed to the first place we saw together. It was suitable and I would have been content living there for a short period. Only a two month commitment, decent furniture, nice people, across the street from the park, good view of the city and the Brooklyn Bridge, close to the train, within the budget, and many other good qualities. We were feeling a bit tired and wanting to end our search as quickly as possible but we decided to at least check out two more places that afternoon. We almost committed, but better judgement told us to at least look a little longer. In between appointments we had to meet yet another friend named Jeff back in Manhattan, we'll call him "Toledo Jeff," to help him move some belongings from one of his many couch-surfing spots to another. This was really inconvenient but he has helped me a lot so I felt obligated. We hoofed around the city for a few hours sweating booze and feeling like shit in general and were ready to skip our last two appointments but stayed true to our good judgement and got back on the train to Brooklyn to meet Nina and check out her apartment she was subletting for three to five months.

I'm terribly happy that we decided to see this place and not commit to the other. The first apartment was fine, but this one was superior in every way. It is directly across the street from the entrance to the Brooklyn Botanical Garden and Prospect Park which is excellent. The place is huge, the furniture is awesome, shes leaving two TVs there, the kitchen is bigger than most around here, it has rooftop access, Nina is very friendly and was very accommodating to whatever we wanted, there are lots of windows, and Al and I will be very happy living there. We wrote the check after spending ten minutes with Nina and her awesome apartment, and will be moving in next Wednesday. THIS WAS A HUGE BURDEN OFF OUR BACKS. We could now spend the rest of the evening and Wednesday enjoying ourselves and feeling accomplished. We had our home and had no obligations other than dinner with her friends late Wednesday night. Our new-found leisure time that was supposed to be spent killing ourselves, running around the city looking for a mediocre apartment seemed too good to be true.

It was.

The whole day, my left eye had been a little irritated but I wrote it off as contact trouble, and would fix it when we checked into the hotel we were staying in that night. This was not the case. When I took my contact out, it felt like someone had dumped buckets of sand into my eyeball and I was quickly aware that this could be serious trouble. I lied around whining and feeling sorry for myself most of the evening an Al tolerated it. She was too tired to care that our celebration would have to be post-poned, as was I. Hopefully my eye would feel better in the morning, but I had a feeling it wouldn't. The next morning, my eye was severely irritated and I was in need of medical attention. I didn't know how to choose an optometrist in this city, there were hundreds listed in the yellow pages. I did the only logical thing I could think of. I called the very first number listed, "A-Town Optometry." Placing an "A" before your businesses name so you will be listed first in the yellow pages is genius. This crafty naming scheme had me convinced I would be in proper hands.

A brief visit and $175 later, the doc had me convinced that this ulcer on my eyeball could be potentially dangerous and that I should schedule another visit the next morning and possibly see a "specialist." "Ulcer" rang a very distinct bell for me. This had happened to me a few years back and it was just as unpleasant but was easily cured with some very expensive antibiotic eye-drops. This fella, Dr. Rubinstein, just wanted my money. He was already trying to make me a pair of glasses and get me fitted for some high-tech new contacts that would give me X-ray vision or allow me to shoot laser beams or some baloney. Now he's talking about specialists. The doc had given me a prescription and one sample of these glorious drops and instructed me to use them every hour. The tiny bottle would probably last approximately three hours. I needed to scam my way into a couple more of these samples to avoid any more cash out of pocket. I fed him some bull-shit about being very busy for the rest of the day and potentially unable to fill my prescription until late in the evening. Since I was to use these drops every hour, I would need more before then. Back to the sample drawer he dove, searching for my liquid gold. I offered to send down some oxygen to help ensure he wouldn't emerge empty handed. A couple more bottles, score. Used wisely and efficiently, I could stretch these out long enough to be cured without spending a substantial amount of money. After reading all the info. that came with the drops, I learned that using the drops this frequently was not advised, and that my three bottles should last me about 4-5 days which was the length of time it took to cure 94% of patients in clinical trials. The doc also instructed me to use the drops in the middle of the night if I happened to wake up. This was sternly cautioned against, in fact, it was recommended that you stop administering the drops a couple hours before you plan to sleep. Unless I woke up the next morning feeling much worse, I would not be attending my 10:15 appointment with this sleazy salesman.